Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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