I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
