I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
