I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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