I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
