It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
