What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize