Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
