have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She bit a glass in half.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Pooping to opera.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
