Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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