Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
