I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
