oh god the rape fog is back!
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
