Tell her she can't have a vagina
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
