My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
