dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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