Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
accomplished twins. life is a go
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
