Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
