every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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