there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
