I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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