Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
