Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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