Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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