The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
