he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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