I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Are we still banned from the library?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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