I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
