My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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