I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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