Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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