listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You left your phone here
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