my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
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