we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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