oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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