I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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