so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
