Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
