saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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