i would punch a child for taco bell
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
