are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
