1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
