I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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