I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
