Just fell off a train. Bad.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
