Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
did i just pee glitter
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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