things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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