Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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