how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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