Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
