Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
