I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Im part way to drunk.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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