Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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