I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize