Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
nutella sex= disaster
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
