i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
