too bad you live with your parents still
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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