I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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