Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
