The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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