I'm so fucking centered right now
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
