Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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