New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
They are going to name an STD after you.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
