I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
