It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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