Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
