fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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