i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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