You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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