All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
