Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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