like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
