Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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