____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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