two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
