11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Success! We fucked roommates!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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