There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
All I want is dick and wine.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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