I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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