True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
